3 wishes

Hi, it's me. Once again, I would like to say that I am tired of my life. Somehow I posted a short sentence on my Facebook and took it down within 10min. A good friend of mine asked me to see a psychiatrist, she is really scared that I have depression saying that is an act of people with a sign of depression. Oh well, I am not sure of my mental condition actually. But I am grateful to have the friend that still care for me and sticking by my side watching me grow. Tonight is another sleepless night for me, I am just so stress with the workload overflow I am facing right now that I don't even feel like doing anything. All I want is REST or maybe just someone to talk to. But, if there is 3 thing I could ask for right now it would be ...

💖 💪 💰

LOVE

Parents have been working hard for me to live comfortably since young hence, they do not have time to spend with me. Other children and adults will always go home to have dinner with their families readily prepared for them, unlike me I have to settle my own meals. I am independent but also ashamed to say that I am still getting an allowance at this age, having my basic insurances and phone bills paid for. Basically, I have no finance stress at all. However, I guess I am fated to be alone in this lifetime. Will I even have a boyfriend, will I ever get married, will I ever create my own family, I am just clueless. Perhaps I will just end up with a life partner who will be busy with work and no time to spare for me. The feeling of being isolated is no good, I have long forgotten how to express my feelings to the world and it's killing me inside. There is no one I could talk to hence, the existence of this blog.

HEALTH

Been falling sick recently and I don't like it very much, totally no idea why my body could not fight virus just like before. I thought I was strong until my immunity went down on me. I ever wanted to be a health coach, but is it even possible now when I am not in good health. I always tell myself that there is hope, all I need to do is to understand my body more and eat right then I could prevent myself from falling sick, otherwise provide my body with faster recovery time. All I need now is to conquer the problems I am facing before I can even advice and help another normal person in the future, got to stand up with my own feet because only I can give myself the strength to live on. So sick internally and externally sometimes I wish I can be gone, but I am not sure if I wanna leave just yet. There are still many things I have yet to do and fulfill in life. There are days where I wish for someone to be my side to help me overcome whatever I am facing but in the end of the day, I still got to convince myself to know that I am alone and forever alone ... I am born alone and fated to pass away by myself.

WEALTH

Have you ever wonder "What if money could buy time"? Past shall be the past, and I do not need to yearn love from people that weren't with me when I needed them the most anymore (just maybe). There are so many people I am willing to give my love to but in the end, all I get in return is a disappointment. At this moment I feel like giving up hope on humans and start to treat myself better. Majority of the population will spend their hard earn money to build a family, as for me I only have myself hence, I wanted to treat myself the best in this lifetime. I have come to a sense that no one can love me more than myself, therefore I want to wear good, eat good and, look good, if only there's someone else by my side then all those wouldn't matter anymore. However, the amount of money I am earning could not sustain my lifestyle and this issue eventually become another worry of my life. I kept asking myself how do people lead such a luxury life, even until today I still couldn't understand. Not that there is no way for me to earn enough to support what I want, just that... I couldn't sacrifice my health for money. Also, wealth comes in different ways. People can be rich in knowledge, adventure, laughter, health, family or, love but I've got none.

Not sure if I am living an ill life or a blessed life. Nevertheless, I am still grateful that I am alive and able to have many job opportunities. Goodnight, and I've got to wake up soon for work again.

💝 To whoever that is reading(hater/friends/stalker): I would like to thank you for caring enough to read this blog entry about my life, may you be blessed with happiness and the wishes that I wanted but couldn't have. 💝

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